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Young, Insatiable, and At My Wit’s End – An excerpt from my upcoming memoir

By Annie Temple

TRIGGER WARNING: references to emotionally traumatic experiences

Many people have suggested to me for many years that I should write a memoir of my experiences in the adult entertainment industry. I am a writer, after all. That’s obvious. But I never felt ready to go into those memories and share them for permanent record… until now.

Because you have chosen to be my audience by signing up to my blog (for which I am eternally grateful), I would like to share some of the stories here to see what resonates with you. All of these stories are very personal and some are even dark. It takes a lot for me to expose these truths in the open like this, so I hope you will respect that and treat my sharing with compassion and nonjudgement.

I thought about how I would present this record-keeping of my life and decided that I would start at the beginning. I will not be sharing all the dirty details because I will save the deepest secrets for my book; but what you will read is raw, it’s the truth as I remember it, and some of it is even painful or exhilarating. I am only in the starting stages of writing this book and I am already haunted by memories coming to the surface that I had completely forgotten.

I view this project as an opportunity to learn more about myself and grow as a person. What will it do for my audience? Well, that remains to be seen. But hopefully, by sharing these stories with you, any impact that may or may not happen will become apparent over time.

Until then, I hope you find this first excerpt from my first draft of my book interesting. More than ever, I want your feedback! Is this interesting to you? Would you like me to share more of these personal stories? Or is this something you would rather I keep separate from my blog? How did it make you feel when you read it? Did you want to read more?

I appreciate every bit of feedback you are willing to give and thank you sincerely for being a witness to my life. xoxo

Naked and showing off my pussy, as usual

The Terrible, Wonderful Beginning

Did it begin when I was a toddler and my mom couldn’t keep my clothes on me? When I played naked in the yard as a child? Was it when I started reading my dad’s “Playboy” magazines that were stacked nicely in the cupboard under the bathroom sink? Or was it the first time I went skinny dipping and how free and wonderful that felt?

Did it start when at 13 years old, a boy pushed me into the snow, climbed on top of me, and while I was hating him and fighting to get away, he planted a kiss on me that was so delicious and tantalizing that I melted into his mouth and grew very warm and tingly between the legs?

Or was it the first time I had an orgasm at age 15 while dry fucking my boyfriend? After that, I didn’t even care about having sex. Rubbing myself against my boyfriend with our jeans on was MUCH more fun!

Was it the result of having my first orgasm and my subsequent insatiable desire to masturbate frequently, or my wet dreams as a teenager that led to me loving adult entertainment?

It definitely wasn’t the night I lost my virginity which was both painful because of the rocks sticking into my back and because of my boyfriend’s inexperienced, pre-pubescent cock tearing feebly at my hymen.

If you asked me when I started, what was the main reason I got into the adult entertainment industry, you’d get the answer most people say when asked why they work at all… for the money. But if you asked why I stayed, I would have said quickly and easily… it was for the music.

But what REALLY led me to my first adventure in adult entertainment? Was it something funny and exciting? I’m afraid not. It was something dark and painful, because it started with an abortion.

I was 22 years old, living in Kelowna. I was a party girl; in that I went to the bar almost every night to dance. Back then, I didn’t care if I got to drink alcohol or not. I would settle for water. What I wanted… what I needed… was the dance floor. The loud music, lights, the energy of the people, the admiring stares from men and jealous glares from women around the room – it was intoxicating to me. Six nights a week, I danced.

Kelowna was my home town, so I knew all the staff at the main nightclubs I attended. I didn’t have to pay cover charge. I didn’t even have to use the front door. And I didn’t have to leave when the lights came on either. I had the power of being a young woman with her entire future ahead of her and a healthy appetite for sex and adventure.

Even so, I wasn’t as promiscuous as I could have been. However, there did come a moment when I realized that my rampant sex drive had gotten me into trouble. I was pregnant. This was 1996, and getting pregnant as a single young woman was very, very bad. There were other extenuating circumstances too. I knew for sure that the humiliation I had in store for me if I had that baby would be tremendous and it would be degrading.

I can’t remember what tipped me off, probably sensitive boobs or a realization that my period hadn’t come at the usual time. But I went with a friend to the street nurse to find out if I was pregnant, and at no time did I actually think I was.

When the nurse told me that my test was positive, for a moment, my teen-like mind said, “That means the result is good (positive)! I’m not pregnant!” But then, my grown-up mind interrupted with the harsh truth and I went into shock. After, as I walked home from the clinic with my friend desperately trying to comfort me, I realized my life was about to change forever.

This photo was taken just months before I moved to Vancouver.

There is a lot more to this story including my ex-boyfriend driving me around in his car like a maniac threatening to kill us, and me screaming out the window for people to call the police. All this, while normal people were out mowing their lawns on a sunny afternoon. Or the day he came to my apartment and smashed my window because I wasn’t answering his calls. But long story longer, I decided to forgo the humiliation of admitting I was pregnant, being linked to a psychotic ex-boyfriend for the rest of my life, and raising a child I was not ready to raise.

Despite my reasons for having an abortion, I changed my mind every second of every day right up until I went under on the operating table. It was a very traumatic experience for me that I swore I would never go through again. To this day, I light a candle every year to remember the child I might have had and be grateful for the life I did have because I wasn’t forced to raise a child when I was an irresponsible child myself.

That abortion changed me. I became very despondent and pulled away from the people in my life. Most people didn’t know about it, so there was that. But also, I felt that I needed to get away. I wanted to start a new life far away from the ex-boyfriend who had terrorized me and the future I had given up when I decided it wasn’t time to be a mother yet.

That was when I made the decision to move to Vancouver and start a new life. Two weeks after my abortion, I moved to Vancouver. And within two months of moving to Vancouver, still very heartbroken and determined to make a new life for myself, I started stripping.

The love of dancing led to me being a stripper. And the love of being a stripper led to nude modeling, being a stripping waitress, and strip club massage goddess-ing. The love of money and sex led to sensual massage and content creation / amateur porn. I can now say I’ve pretty much done it all in the adult entertainment industry – which is why I am finally writing my TELL ALL book.

That is the first excerpt from my upcoming “tell all” book about how I got into the adult entertainment industry. It is merely a background explanation of the events leading up to my move to Vancouver from Kelowna. The next excerpt, which I will share soon, covers how I was paying the bills before stripping and what my first experiences as an exotic dancer were like.

I hope you are not feeling triggered by what I shared with you today. It is often the most painful experiences of our lives that lead us to the most profound, paradigm-shifting, wonderful moments of our lives.

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